Usually abstinence happens suddenly: with partners it does not develop, for example. But to take and voluntarily give up sex only because of the desire to prove something to yourself? This is strong. But this experiment was decided by a young American Bruna Nessif. Very bright and attractive, by the way. She described her experience in a blog, and we translated.
“I have not had sex for more than a year, and this path through my personal Mojave Desert was both instructive and disappointing (for understandable reasons).
Why do I need this abstinence? It all started in 2015, when one hot guy made it clear in Instagram that we have mutual interest. There was something really warm and close in our communication. It was not long before the comments went into private messages, and messages – in daily phone calls. I was on the rise: oh, my God, I have a relationship! But it did not last long. It turned out that most recently he had a serious novel and until he wants nothing serious. Instead of resigning and leaving, I acted as if it suited me perfectly. The chemistry between us was still too strong to ignore (and, to be frank, I did not want to admit the obvious.)
I tried to convince myself that having sex with a guy who does not want to be My couple, cool. I was calm, knowing that he is communicating with other girls. I persuaded myself that we just had sex and nothing more. And that this is what I want.
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But at some point I realized that I often do this: I accept what I’m willing to give, not taking into account my own desires. I’m tired of living the same scenario. And began to delve into myself to understand why I always enter into a relationship that does not end in any way.
Nowadays it’s common to look at sex as a means to an end, not a privilege, and for some reason, Then she believed that you need to have sex, to make a man nice. And if I do not do it, then he’s a bang – and disappears!
And I decided: no random connections. I will not go to bed until the man makes me feel like a goddess. But it turned out that it took more time than I thought.In the first few months it was cool – I felt that the female power had finally returned to me and nothing could turn me off the road. But when six months went by, the initial enthusiasm disappeared, and the whole experiment was questioned. First, it began to seem to me that the reason was far-fetched. Secondly, I began to rave, because I always came across thirsty for only sex. This is quite unpleasant in itself, and if you add to this your own struggle with sexual attraction, just to prove yourself something, oh …
Suddenly it turned out that my decision could spoil relations with my friends. They perceived my abstinence as a reproach in their address, they say, against my background they themselves seemed to be lecheries. We began to avoid the topic of sex in conversations at all, she grew up between us, like a wall. They were angry and reproached me for growing complexes in them, although this is “just sex.” And I even at some point was ready to give up, because the physical needs have not gone away. But I gathered my strength. In the end, it does not matter that someone did not understand why and why I do it.
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And at some point the hormones calmed down (or just surrendered). I know that a week without sex for some may seem cruel and unusual punishment, and a year without intimacy is generally beyond the brink, but it turned out to be not so difficult. I went on dates, as usual, but nothing really happened from that.
Now, after a year, I feel mixed feelings. I’m sad that during this time I did not meet a man who was willing to emotionally invest in me. Why is that? I have no answer to this question. I needed this lesson. I cleared my brains, realized that it’s hard to keep the interest of a man without sex, but reminded myself that I am worthy of love and without flirty looks in my decollete. Yes, there was disappointment, but also a feeling of great pride. I wanted to stop feeling accessible, and I stopped. I wanted to wait for a man for whom I would be a part of life, and I will wait, because I know how to achieve it. ”