What to do in order to preserve the brightness in sexual life

Understand what factors prevent you from enjoying life to the fullest and which, On the contrary, increase the attraction.

Everyone, regardless of gender, has the right to a bright, memorable and exciting sex. But what if you sometimes think that you are no longer capable of a strong desire? Emily Nagoski, a sexologist and psychologist with 20 years of experience, writes in her book “As the Woman Wants”, that you can fill your life with passion at any age. To do this, you just need to understand yourself.

Analyze your desires

In order for the quality of your intimate life to be higher, try to listen to yourself. What acts on you exciting, but what, on the contrary, repels? To test this, do a little exercise.

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Return to the most enjoyable experiences in life and answer in detail the questions about these cases. What happened to your mood and state of health? How did you feel about yourself at that moment (appearance, psychological attitude)? What did you feel for the partner (appearance, behavior, the degree of intimacy)? Describe the situation, including any special moments (for example, you were in another country or on some holidays). What was the process?

Now remember an experience that does not bring you much pleasure, and go on the same issues. So you can identify the moments that warm up your desire or act the other way around. Work on obtaining pleasure from intimacy is to recreate favorable conditions and eliminate discouraging ones.

Common Exciting Factors

All women are individual, therefore everyone will have their own list. But there are things that are generally common to most. For example …


Trust, intimacy of the soul, care, sense of security – all this improves the quality of sex, because in the process you do not have to worry about relationships, compare yourself with Or be jealous.


Well-groomed body, soft hands, confident movements, other attractive features – the more you like your partner, the stronger you are to him The more you can enjoy the process.

The setting

A romantic evening, slow antsy, sensual massage, joint bath with candles – all this creates a feeling of unity. It also includes conversations or hints during the day about how pleasant it is to spend an evening together.

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When a person is confident in himself, he does not think about how he looks and is completely given to the process of intimacy.

The reverse side

Of course, along with the exciting factors, there are those that negatively affect sexuality . The apartment can be cold, and neighbors can scream behind the wall. In this case, you need to solve the issues as you arrive: put the heater, retire to the bathroom or another room. A more balanced approach requires psychological factors: stress, dislike for one’s body, self-criticism, insecurity in a partner, stereotypes – all this needs to be worked out.

Relieve stress, and at the same time bring yourself into shape will help with sports or dancing. And if you add relaxing-caring massages, caring for yourself and a good sleep – you will soon return not only self-confidence, but also a positive attitude that positively affects sexual life. Do not forget to get rid of psychological stress: sometimes you just need to scream or cry alone with yourself to complete the cycle of reaction to stress.

Remember that you are always attractive. Love yourself and your body, treat yourself as a close friend (you always see something beautiful in them), do not pursue other people’s ideals and do not let the inner voice influence your self-esteem.

If there are doubts In the partner, then they need to be worked out. Are you disappointed with it is there, or are afraid of betrayal because of past grievances? Understand your own feelings and emotions, not blaming yourself or your partner.

Give up any stereotypes in sex. Women do not have to experience the excitement spontaneously, like men, do not have to know a great number of poses, or, on the contrary, does not have to behave in bed deliberately shyly. What you like – it’s your own business

And of course, relax.! To enjoy, you only need to listen to your emotions and feelings.

Read more on this topic in the book “How the Woman Wants” by Emily Nagoski (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber Publishing House).

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