In the reckless years of adolescence, love seemed to me the greatest value in the world. There was not a day that my inflamed mind would not think of the person I meet and will not let go. I thought I would recognize him from a thousand – we will rave the same dreams, listen to similar music, equally feel the world around us, like the two halves of the whole. Time passed, I fell in love and was disappointed, because none of the applicants did not meet high ideals. Hormones demanded to love and dissolve in another person, and I obediently obeyed them, not bothering about who was really in front of me. I never tried to look in depth, I did not set out to see a real partner – and this was the main mistake.
When I stepped over the threshold of maturity and learned to better understand myself, I suddenly felt like I was wrong. Love was far from the feeling of universal euphoria that I dreamed of, but something completely different, close in meaning to the Christian canons – the ability to forgive, tolerate, accept, be supported, want to share responsibility. And love has contained in itself many words denoting the union of two – co-experience, co-suffering, co-feeling, co-joy. And this was a real discovery.
Two people or one whole?
Of course, with age, I began to understand that harmonious relationships are built not by halves, but by full and complete personalities who have something to say. Although we both experienced a lot, we no longer wanted to run away from ourselves, did not want to hide from painful loneliness. Freedom remained comfortable, but it was better together.
Now, being near, there was no need to merge into one big cloud of feelings, we just moved parallel to each other and watched with interest the development of events, offering a helping hand. All this happened naturally and at ease, it was not necessary to break yourself, wear protective masks or hide something. I saw a man without embellishment, watched his inner struggle, learned goals and motives, but did not run, but accepted . For some reason I wanted to be close, to lay straws, to be proud of his achievements, to share every moment of life. We both ate simple human happiness, rejoiced that they appeared in each other’s lives, we can realize ourselves on the same wave without pretending to be someone else’s space.
On the coincidence of views and values
How important is it for me now to look at the same world equally, have common views and dreams? Everything became relative. Well, when a partner’s worldview is somewhat similar to mine. It’s great that he thinks as broadly, is not afraid to openly admit his mistakes and generously forgive my weaknesses, it unites. When we are both passionately arguing, not being afraid to hurt each other, and we tolerate the crisis moments, not seeking compensation on the side. At such times I feel that I can trust that his principles are unshakable, that he least of all wants to hurt me. And it’s really priceless.
However, our thoughts may not coincide in many ways which is also good. We are individuals who must defend their “I” and learn to negotiate, any conflict of interests only contributes to the development of us as a couple. We may not understand something, but if we allow ourselves to take a different point of view, to admit the possibility of the existence of another worldview – this will make us head and shoulders above ourselves. By the way, now I think that learning to redirect the energy of destruction into the energy of creation is one of the most important tasks in partnership.
Love should change thinking, temper the spirit, make it stronger and more mature, like an old wine, which only improves its taste with age. It is not something light and tickling in the lower abdomen, not the whims of hormones, but a feeling that can fill two with calmness, confidence, desire to grow and develop together. Love helps me to understand myself, to reveal my talents, to become kinder and more tolerant. She also heals the wounds and returns inner beauty. It makes this world more beautiful!