How to get rid of the “good girl” image? Learning to defend your interests

These women are said to be “holy” or “worth their weight in gold.” True, charming epithets arrive to her only in those moments when others need her help. The life style of a “good girl” is simple – to sacrifice their own comforts, so that everyone around is happy, because it’s a spit! She will agree to spend a single vacation on a sore throat grandmother, take care of her friend’s son while she surrounds her lover, work in two shifts so that colleagues can deal with the things they need more. But who, if not she? People are ruining lives, and a “good girl” is a plug from all problems.

The greatest fear of a “good girl”

As you may have guessed, people do not so much like an obliging young lady as they are willing to hang noodles on her ears, if only to use in their own interests. After all, it’s so convenient – to shift some of the pressing problems to her patient shoulders, and most importantly, she will not be able to refuse! Even if it is difficult or not for her, she will swallow the bait. And the answer is simple: a “good girl” so desperately in need of love that she is ready to win it in any way. The greatest fear of “honors pupil” is to lose the recognition of one’s environment, to lose the love and respect of loved ones. That’s why she agrees to sacrifice her interests to please others, to be a comfortable pillow for tears and whipping. This same fear destroys her happy future.

Where did this installation originate from?

If we turn to childhood “honors pupils”, we can catch one characteristic pattern – most likely, parents paid attention to it only when it met their high requirements. Got a five? Well done, Mom is happy. Tidy up the house? Have given another portion of affection. And so, over time, the child gets used to the system by which love and a smile of loved ones can be earned only through useful and correct actions that bring pleasure to others. It is good only when it meets other people’s requirements, and in itself its personality does not represent any value.

And there would be nothing terrible in such an arrangement, if the girl did not have to constantly deny herself because of the needs of others. She used to change her self, break herself, adjusting to others and forgetting about her own feelings. And this is practically a neurosis. To all is added that the inquiries around the “good girl” are also growing. Appetite wishing to cash in on freebies is dimensionless, people quickly get used to help and demand more and more feedback from the “excellent student”, giving out less and less “buns”. Do you want to get recognition? Past efforts are not enough, do more. Alas, the forces of the “excellent student” are not unlimited, at some point, exhaustion begins.

What to do to get rid of manipulators?

You can do nothing and constantly get sick. And how else is the body to find a valid reason for refusing spongers? That’s when the temperature is serious and the cough is terrible – this is the reason to say “no”, stay at home and take care of yourself. And if you do not like to be ill, you will have to learn to protect yourself, which will be very difficult, comparing all your experience.

You can only refuse to others when you recognize your own value and having boundaries. When you realize that you deserve love just because you are, and not because it is convenient or useful. When you evaluate your interests and needs above other people’s “wantlings”, only then you will say for the first time: “No, I do not need it (uncomfortable, uninteresting). I refuse”. It is at that moment that people will call you “bad” on the grounds that you are capable of defending yourself.

It’s hard to refuse. You so zealously all this time created an image of “trouble-free”, that the environment will not understand why the “free banquet” suddenly took cover, even more – they become angry. People are not used to hearing from you “no”, they will consider refusal impolite and something offensive. At some point next to you there will be no one who has previously given his participation, recognition and love, you can fall into a social vacuum. But do not rush to return everything back!

Why do you need those who use you? Is it not better to form a new environment, what will a new “I”, learn to appreciate in you a mature person and who can take care of yourself. Enough to go on about others, learn to put your interests above the desires of others, learn to love yourself. Only then will your life become more harmonious.

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